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A dear friend of mine recently wrote a column on a love/advice blog. His general theme was how women blame men for placing unrealistic expectations on them so that they are struggling the rest of their lives to appear young and perfect whilst men are allowed to become paunchy, grey and bald as part of the normal aging process. His consensus was that we give men too much credit. That men aren’t intelligent enough to mastermind such a skillful plan and although they are happy to encourage such “ongoing maintenance”, are not the perpetrators of pristine. He goes on to name women as the ones who place unrealistic expectations on themselves; through a competitiveness of spirit. So ladies, what do you think? Are we fighting a losing battle against ourselves?

I of course disagree with some of Kev’s article. I think men do place a lot of importance on looks. Almost all the women with serious body issues I know were told by a male figure in their young lives that there was something wrong with their physicality. My biological father told me when I was young that I was “fat” and would never get a boyfriend until I lost weight. Another friend of mine had a male family member tell her that she had “fat legs”. We’ve carried these emotional weights with us throughout the entirety of our lives and believe me, they weigh in a lot heavier than what it tells me on the scale. While it’s not the fault of the whole of the male race…I’m sorry boys but I don’t think we can totally exonerate you.

I do agree with Kev that women are competitive. REALLLY competitive at times. No one has ever been harder on me than I’ve been on myself, and I’ve rarely seen a man be CRUEL in the same way I see women be to one another on a daily basis, myself included. Why do we feel the need to do this? Why must we constantly critique the style and body type of other women? I can only speak for myself here and say that I do it because I feel inadequate. I feel some weird sense of guilt that I’m not doing more to make myself look perfect. When I see someone truly lovey, I feel the need to pick at something. It’s a type of feminine psychosis really.

In another way, I feel that we’re just continuing a trend that been going on since the beginning of civilised society. Women as the so-called weaker sex, have been expected to conform throughout history to be the embodiment of whatever trend was meant to personify femininity at that particular time. It’s all very political. What about bound feet? This was considered extremely erotic in the Qing dynasty…but beyond eroticism it limited a woman’s mobility and cause her to be dependent on her family for the rest of her life. In the 1800’s it was whalebone corsets, causing some women to actually have ribs removed in order to cinch their waists a bit tighter. All this in order to compete for a more desirable husband. Today it’s liposuction, breast implants and plastic surgery. We no longer need someone else to take care of us, so why do we still allow ourselves to compete for an ideal that is unattainable?

Because beneath the surface of our society, the perception of physical attractiveness still has a hand in dictating our place in it. I think sometimes people forget that women had to fight for that place (relatively recently I might add), that we’re still fighting. We’ve allowed society to sell us a fantasy that says if we look a certain way that our lives will be fulfilled; while we totally ignore the problems that exist beneath our skin. We’re depicted in the media as sex-objects; yet expected to be chaste according to our religion. We’ve got a lot of issues, and rightly so. Perhaps we could all take a lesson from the following anonymous declaration of self-esteem….

I am me.

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it.

I own everything about me - my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all its thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they may be - anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth, and all the words that come out of it, polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud or soft; and all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.

When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that which is unfitting, and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and I am okay.

So, every once in a while I jump up on my soapbox and give you a good talkin’ to about nutrition. It’s a subject I’ve long been interested in and the one thing I’ve found that really makes a difference in my health and well being. When you’ve got a body like mine in which my immune system likes to pull ninja -like maneuvers by silently attacking itself…my counter attack is F O O D!

Lately my body has decided that it’s suddenly allergic to all kinds of things! It tells me not to eat wheat, rice, corn, oats, or dairy. Great. Being Vegetarian…this has forced me to eat more fruits. I’ve discovered the more fruits I eat, the better I feel. This was really put to the test recently after another flair up of my old friend pericarditis. This is a viral thing that causes the lining of the heart to swell and leaves you in extreme pain, not only at exertion of any kind, but also upon moving or even just trying to breathe. This is my fourth time playing host to the lovely pericarditis, and the normal course of action is to take 1000mg of Ibuprofen per day. Ibuprofen is an anti-inflammatory drug that over time can really wreak havoc on your liver and kidneys. Plus with this crazy allergy thing, I can’t take over-the-counter stuff now cause more than likely, I’m now allergic to it! So what’s one to do? My solution this time was to eat.

I got a list of all the best anti-inflammatory foods from the net…

Blueberries, Ginger, Turmeric, Grapes, Avocado, Lemons, Limes, Broccoli, Basil, Walnuts, Mint, Raspberries, Cherries, Kale……and tonnes more! check here

So I went off all cooked food immediately. For most of my calories, I drank Innocent Acai Berri Superfoods smoothies. I ate tonnes of blueberries and grapes, drank fresh ginger and turmeric tea (much better than it sounds) and for dinner each evening I’d have fresh veggies with lots of hummus.

Mind you after 4 times with this thing…I know how much the first week sucks. You can only take very shallow breaths, and forget walking up and down stairs. Just turning over in bed can make you cry. It’s horrible! I started on this diet the first day and in 24 hours my pain was reduced by 50%. 36 hours brought a 75% reduction in pain. By day three I was breathing pretty normally and had little to no pain. By day 4 the pain and the symptoms were GONE. I stayed on it for 7 days just to be sure and then started gradually adding back in one cooked meal per day. (usually lunch) I am still only eating fruits for breakfast as I want to bombard my cells with anti-oxidants first thing in the morning. I feel really amazing.

The absolute best way to protect yourself from illness is to eat the right foods. Ignore the propaganda. Foods have a PROFOUND effect on your health. Try replacing your morning muesli with grapes and blueberries for one week and see how you feel. I’m living proof!

xoxo