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So Cat and I were taking the train from Fareham back to London today, and we decided to go to Waterloo and get a bus home. I laid my head against the window in order to sleep as I always do on trains. About 10 mins into the journey, I opened my eyes to find that we’d stopped. I didn’t feel jerking or hear any noise that I recall…but the other passengers said that they felt the train stop abruptly with a jerking motion. We were in the first or second car and were inside a tunnel. A few minutes after we stopped…Cat asked me if I smelled smoke. I did and for a second I panicked, thinking the train to be on fire. I calmed myself down just as a lady ran past yelling that the train was on fire, EVERYONE GET OUT!

People were definitely panicking as the conductor came on the loudspeaker to tell us that there was a fire aboard the train, and no to panic, but at this time they did not know where the fire was exactly. They told us to move to the back of the train. As I recall there were a few people scrambling over one another…a bloke cursing his head off at people pushing and trying to get out as quickly as possible. The smoke got worse as we walked forward so that a lot of people were covering their mouths with their shirts. We found out later that we had actually walked over the fire which was underneath the train. As we passed where the fire was, the next train car was on the outside of the tunnel and I began to feel better seeing steps going up the side of the hill, knowing that we could bust a window out if we had to in order to get out.

Cat had been amazingly calm throughout the whole deal, and was pretty hacked off at a young guy that tried to climb over a young family with a baby. When the whole ordeal started she actually had the presence of mind to gather up her paper, which she had not yet finished reading…as people screamed and pushed past us.

They moved us to the last train car and as they could not get the fire out, had to evacuate us via a ladder pushed against the side of the train. They moved us up the side of the hill around a lot of posh houses….(all of whom refused us sanctuary in their driveways I hear) so we were stood on the side of a rocky embankment for around 2 hours until cabs came to take us in groups of 4 to the nearest train station so that we all could get home.

Cat was a jewel though all of this…not frightened, rallying every one’s spirits with cleverness and making friends on the rocky slope. She was also quite happy about being surrounded by some cute firemen. All in all, not something I ever want to go through again, but happy to be in such good company. The people were all very patient and the train crew really did their best. The children amazed me the most. After we finally got back to the train station via taxi and back on the next train to Waterloo…we saw a family that had been sitting in front of us on the first train and a little girl that had been talking to us. They were visibly tired and shaken from the incident but all still smiling and happy. As they got off the train, we all waved goodbye having shared something deep and indescribable. And while I know I’ll not see them again, I’ll never forget their little faces, waving happily outside the window of the train.

How many times have you been talking to a friend about someone you’ve just met, or have known for a while and said…”I just don’t understand her. She’s a little weird don’t you think?” Or perhaps you’re so angry with your partner for not knowing what it takes to make you happy although you’ve told them time and time again?

I’ve long been interested in the differences in us….how four children from the same family can be so dramatically different and in turn so misunderstood. We’ve all known, or perhaps been, the black sheep of the family and can see how much of a strain it can be on kids who think and feel differently than the rest of their peers. I grew up (and my Mum has admitted to this too) feeling like I was from another planet. How could I be related and/or connected with all these people around me? I didn’t seem to think or feel the same. My instructors at school didn’t really understand me either. I was pretty much labelled a “weird little kid”.

For the past few years I’ve had an interest in the Myers Briggs type sorter and also the Enneagram. These two tests have really helped me to understand myself a little better as well as helping me to recognise why the social aspect of being a musician is so daunting to me. Musicians with type ENFP find this kind of work less harrowing as meeting new people and experiencing new situations is their life-blood! But for me, as an INFJ throwing me into a room of a ton of people I don’t know (unless I’m on stage) makes me feel completely awkward and uncomfortable. I’m perfectly willing to make a spectacle of myself on stage….and if the show goes well…happy to socialise afterward if I feel a good vibe in the room. It’s all about feeling for me though and one person with a negative vibe can make me feel trapped and ready to run!

The enneagram for me is a much better personality sorter. Unlike the MBTI, it makes allowances for changes in sense and situation. Each of the types have a wing or wings and and types they will lean to in places of health or stress. I’m a type 4 with a 3 wing, but thought until recently that I was a 2…as that is where I lean to in times of stress. The enneagram is particularly good for counselling as you can clearly see by characteristics where a person is in their life and what they need to work on to become centered and healthy.

The personality is a highly complex thing, and I don’t expect we’ll ever really understand ourselves or one another completely; but take a test….do some research and learn to respect yourself and others for who and what you are…different and changeable; complex and unique; and in a word, special. In turn I’ve met lots of people in the last few years that use personality type sorters as an excuse for their erratic or unhealthy behaviour. I don’t believe this is what it’s all about! A snapshot of your life is not who you are meant to be for the rest of the time you’re here. We’re meant to be working towards a healthy space and just because we’re prone to sadness doesn’t mean we should accept that as our lot. As we age, we’re learning and evolving mentally and through knowing more about ourselves I believe we can move into a space of emotional comfort and understanding for humankind.

Don’t forget to share your types and stories as you wish. I’m very interested in hearing about you and if the Enneagram and MBTI have helped you to understand yourself or those around you. Is it all just bollocks? What do you think?

Enneagram Test

Myers Briggs Test