Check out this ad for plastic rings. It’s silly and weird and I like it.
Check out Shmuly’s birthday pic…
Shmuly is looking for a new leading lady in his life since the bitter breakup with Elisha. His wit and vivacity (not to mention good looks) are legendary. Act now! (Elle, I can hear you singing showtunes from here) 🙂
Head, and shoulders, knees and toes….knees and toes. Head, and shoulders, knees and toes….knees and toe wo wo wo woes. Eyes and ears, a mouth and a nossssssssse, Head, and shoulders, knees and toes….knees and tooooooooooooowes.
Fuckin’ guns. GRRRRRRRR….I get so angry that people can just walk into a gig and shoot someone….in Columbus Ohio of all places. People run around shooting other people like they’re playing Quake or Doom or something. It makes me sick to my stomach. If you want to go out and shoot a deer for something to eat more power to you…but HANDGUNS should be ILLEGAL. These days it seems people buy handguns specifically to protect themselves from other people with handguns. It’s a never ending cycle of violence. Darrell Abbot was only 38 years old. What a waste.
Yahoo News Article
This was posted anonymously on “A la Gauche: Political News and Commentary from the Far Left” (which you should read..Fiscal Republicans who tend to alienate everyone with badly timed angry flames and who furthermore use excuses like “I was only joking but no one truly understands my sense of humor”….need not go any further)
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Toni to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time.
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. All the while I’m looking at this little device (measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, “no friggin’ way!”
Friggin’ way – trust me, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, “don’t do it buddy,” reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil’ ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn’t you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight-always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don’t ya hate that?)
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY DAAAAAMMMMN!!! I’m pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position.
Gracie was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, “do it again, do it again!” (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You’re not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you’re lucky, you won’t dislodge one of the prongs
1/4″ deep in your thigh like yours truly.) SON-OF-A-BITCH that hurt!
A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I’m pretty sure. By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I’m offering a reward.
Interesting day today. I don’t usually record other people but there is a band in town that does Children’s music and I spent today recording a new CD for them. It’s amazing how you can record a 20 song CD in 2 hours when you have talented one-take wonders in the room. (they were amazing) Been working on the mixdown and mastering this evening…I think it’s sounding great.
Finished all the painting and off to get the furniture tomorrow. Soon I will have a lot more room for making music! Yippeee.
Night sweet world. Sleep tight.